I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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