I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
