i need an iv and a liver transplant
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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