Don't make out with my wife yet
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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