apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
