Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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