in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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