Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
