Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
