just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
