It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
