He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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