wat bout pragnant strippers??
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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