i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
