I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
