nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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