What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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