Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
