Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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