My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
