she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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