Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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