I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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