I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
