I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
