So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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