i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
