but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
