I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
