I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is the high leading the old right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
