oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Every concussion has its silver lining
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
