True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry about my life...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
