Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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