we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
