You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to cum in my sink.
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