Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Couch. On fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
