We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize