he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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