i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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