Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
