I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
