we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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