Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
