I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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