saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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