I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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