it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
