The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
