It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
