my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
