Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
