I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
