I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
