I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
