This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
