Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
