I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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