i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
