you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize