It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
