I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
