Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is my gift to your gina
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
