You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
