Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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