The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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