just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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